I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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