things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
