I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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