I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
