At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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