i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
