The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
