is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
