I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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