I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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