You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
