We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
My penis needs a shock collar
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
