i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
