My Higher Power is John Stamos
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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