I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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