I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
