what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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