Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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