I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I think a kid would responsible me up
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
