I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
