Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
