Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
