his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
