Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
