I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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