the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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