It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
