I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
