So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
