Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
whose ass print is on the piano?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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