Sponge bath it is.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
