I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
