Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
