just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Randomize
