question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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