Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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