youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
mondays should just be called national damage control day
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Your cock deserves a montage
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
