Welp...herpes.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
