i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
