Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
