Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
