you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
pray to the hookup gods
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
