Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
