then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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