i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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