i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
