Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
