Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
