somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
