her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
where are you?
Hypothermia
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
