why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
