yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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